For all you people out there that are vegan and gluten-free AND don’t have celiac disease, screw you. You’ve single handily took a label that is already frustrating to wear and made it downright torturous. How did something made from the earth get lumped into something plant eaters can’t consume? This boggles my mind. Thanks to you, I see an amazing vegan recipe I want to make, but it calls for special gluten-free ingredients. I already have to buy weird, expensive vegan shit at the store. Now you want me to buy gluten-free panko crumbs, too? No. Ain’t gonna happen. My vegan mayo capped out the quota in my crazy cart.
In addition to this puzzling craze, I also have to endure conversations like these…
“So can I ask, what will you eat for dinner tonight?”
(Side note, when you’re vegan people feel the need to ask if they can ask you something. A world mystery to tackle another day.)
“Probably three plates of arrabiata pasta.”
“But that has gluten in it!”
I quickly find a wall and begin bashing my head into it. Then I find a huge, gluten-filled loaf of bread, dip it in the blood on my forehead and stuff it in my mouth. Ok, that’s the image that plays in my head.
Like with all my burning life questions, I turned to Twitter.
The response…No Gluten followed me. I actually did bash my head into a wall at that point. And that was the only response. You know why? Because no one can actually put rationale behind it. So, stop it! Give me back my vegan recipes and products full of the all the glorious gluten.
Drop me a comment if you want to explain this one to me. I may or may not respond. I’ll be too busy eating gluten.